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| From L: Edith Grandon Holland, May Grandon, Lillian Grandon, Charles Allen Grandon Olney IL 1959 |
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| Manuel Santos, Lillian Grandon, Julia Santos Olney, IL 1959 |
My cousin Pam and I share a passion for genealogy. One evening she called with a shocking message. She had discovered my grandfather’s “secret,” and wanted to share it with me cousin to cousin.
Incredible as it was, I was not shocked. I had discovered a marriage and birth certificates several years earlier which showed a man likely to be my grandfather had a wife and two sons in West Virginia before coming to California in the early 1930s. Even with that information, I never reached a point of certainty because there was another man with the same name, similar in age, in that part of the country at the same time. However, with the advent of DNA testing and forensic genealogy, I was now certain this was my grandfather's family.
We will never know the circumstances of his first marriage or its end, as the people involved are no longer alive. The question I have is, “Did my grandmother know and when?” It seems that my father and his siblings did not know, or if they did, they never spoke of it. My mother never spoke of it, and she was very open about how different my grandfather was before his sobriety. He was a mean drunk and the family suffered that burden through their childhood. My mother wanted us to know the dangers of alcohol and how alcoholism could develop if not careful.
The doctor told my grandmother that Grandpa would die soon if he did not stop drinking. The doctor signed the papers allowing her to have Grandpa involuntarily committed to a detox program at the state psychiatric hospital. My father vividly remembered the day the sheriff came to their house and arrested Grandpa, while the family watched. Grandpa was the only one unaware of this planned intervention. He was at the hospital for months and the process nearly killed him. Thankfully, he remained sober for the rest of his life, but I am sure his past continued to haunt him.
When I started my journey into family history, my Grandpa Grandon’s past was the most mysterious. There were thirteen years of his life (age 17-30/1920-1933) that were empty. No stories, no photos. Tradition was he grew up poor, worked in the mines, and left as soon as he could to find a better life. After leaving West Virginia, he met up with his older brother in Hayward, California, and got a job selling cars. He met my grandmother, as she walked by his car lot on her way to high school, a romance developed, and they were married after she graduated. That is the sugar-coated version we hear as grandchildren growing up, but I never saw anything that would make us think differently.
When my cousin told me of her discovery: the DNA connections, the records, the photos, and her contact with his descendants; it pushed me to re-examine the facts with a more objective view.
First the 13-year age gap. This doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when one is in their seventies while the other is in their sixties; however, shift back to when they were dating. What did her parents think of their high school daughter having a 30-year-old boyfriend? He was only four years younger than her mother. A close look at the marriage certificate shows they were married just six months before the birth of their first child. Could this be more of a shotgun wedding than a romance?
Second, the alcoholism. Given the failed first marriage, it seems likely that alcoholism was ongoing when they met and could have been why his first marriage failed.
Third, what about his siblings? They certainly knew their sister-in-law and nephews for seven years before he left. Five of his siblings relocated to California and maintained contact with his new family. His older brother and his wife were very close, visited often, and had vacation properties next to each other in Oregon. No one said a word?
Finally, what about his mother? In 1959, Grandpa and Grandma made a cross-country trip to St Louis with her parents (my great-grandparents Santos), to visit her aunt and cousins. Then they drove a few hours east to Olney, Illinois to visit Granpa's mother and sister. Tradition has it that there was a big fight that day and the visit ended abruptly. Could it be that Great Grandma Grandon told the secret? The only piece of evidence I have is a photo from my grandmother’s collection of Great-Grandma Grandon and on the back, it says, “This woman is sick!” I leave you to your own conclusions.
The question that plagues most bearers of secrets is how to handle the burden. For me, I share the facts as I know them, and let the reader come to their own conclusions. It would be more complicated if the primary parties were alive, but that time has long passed. My personal feelings are guided by Scripture: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Incredible as it was, I was not shocked. I had discovered a marriage and birth certificates several years earlier which showed a man likely to be my grandfather had a wife and two sons in West Virginia before coming to California in the early 1930s. Even with that information, I never reached a point of certainty because there was another man with the same name, similar in age, in that part of the country at the same time. However, with the advent of DNA testing and forensic genealogy, I was now certain this was my grandfather's family.
We will never know the circumstances of his first marriage or its end, as the people involved are no longer alive. The question I have is, “Did my grandmother know and when?” It seems that my father and his siblings did not know, or if they did, they never spoke of it. My mother never spoke of it, and she was very open about how different my grandfather was before his sobriety. He was a mean drunk and the family suffered that burden through their childhood. My mother wanted us to know the dangers of alcohol and how alcoholism could develop if not careful.
The doctor told my grandmother that Grandpa would die soon if he did not stop drinking. The doctor signed the papers allowing her to have Grandpa involuntarily committed to a detox program at the state psychiatric hospital. My father vividly remembered the day the sheriff came to their house and arrested Grandpa, while the family watched. Grandpa was the only one unaware of this planned intervention. He was at the hospital for months and the process nearly killed him. Thankfully, he remained sober for the rest of his life, but I am sure his past continued to haunt him.
When I started my journey into family history, my Grandpa Grandon’s past was the most mysterious. There were thirteen years of his life (age 17-30/1920-1933) that were empty. No stories, no photos. Tradition was he grew up poor, worked in the mines, and left as soon as he could to find a better life. After leaving West Virginia, he met up with his older brother in Hayward, California, and got a job selling cars. He met my grandmother, as she walked by his car lot on her way to high school, a romance developed, and they were married after she graduated. That is the sugar-coated version we hear as grandchildren growing up, but I never saw anything that would make us think differently.
When my cousin told me of her discovery: the DNA connections, the records, the photos, and her contact with his descendants; it pushed me to re-examine the facts with a more objective view.
First the 13-year age gap. This doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when one is in their seventies while the other is in their sixties; however, shift back to when they were dating. What did her parents think of their high school daughter having a 30-year-old boyfriend? He was only four years younger than her mother. A close look at the marriage certificate shows they were married just six months before the birth of their first child. Could this be more of a shotgun wedding than a romance?
Second, the alcoholism. Given the failed first marriage, it seems likely that alcoholism was ongoing when they met and could have been why his first marriage failed.
Third, what about his siblings? They certainly knew their sister-in-law and nephews for seven years before he left. Five of his siblings relocated to California and maintained contact with his new family. His older brother and his wife were very close, visited often, and had vacation properties next to each other in Oregon. No one said a word?
Finally, what about his mother? In 1959, Grandpa and Grandma made a cross-country trip to St Louis with her parents (my great-grandparents Santos), to visit her aunt and cousins. Then they drove a few hours east to Olney, Illinois to visit Granpa's mother and sister. Tradition has it that there was a big fight that day and the visit ended abruptly. Could it be that Great Grandma Grandon told the secret? The only piece of evidence I have is a photo from my grandmother’s collection of Great-Grandma Grandon and on the back, it says, “This woman is sick!” I leave you to your own conclusions.
The question that plagues most bearers of secrets is how to handle the burden. For me, I share the facts as I know them, and let the reader come to their own conclusions. It would be more complicated if the primary parties were alive, but that time has long passed. My personal feelings are guided by Scripture: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
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| Marriage Cert Grandon/Gallagher 1923 |
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| Birth Cert Chas Wm Grandon 1927 |
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| Chas Wm Grandon 1927-2002 Son of Chas Allen Grandon & Eliz Gallagher |
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| Chas Allen Grandon 1903-1987 |
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